I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
