well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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