I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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