dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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