I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
