i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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