Got a toothbrush?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
