her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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