I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
