She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
