He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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