what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
