and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
