There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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