weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I intend to get homeless drunk
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
