good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
