my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
