If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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