We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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