Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
