Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize