She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
