Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
