After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
