all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's shark week go big or go home
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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