If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
where does the pee come out of this thing
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
