i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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