Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
