a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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