I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
