Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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