wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
