These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
