you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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