He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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