: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
