every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
