The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize