I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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