Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
