You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
