He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
