I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
