If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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