Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
