I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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