Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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