I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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