Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
