I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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