I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
