Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
