flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
