Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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