if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
