I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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