Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
