:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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