My nipple is on Facebook.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
