I hate all girls vehemently.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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