i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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