the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
