Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
