last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ketchup is God's man juice
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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