every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
