butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
