Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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