Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
