If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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