you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My dick has a subreddit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
