Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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